Taking a "friend" to bed
The other day I ran smack dab into a familiar of mine. This friend is not one I especially like to hang out with, because more often than not, I leave our encounters feeling “less than,” or “not enough.”
This particular run in happened so quickly I almost missed it. I was in the middle of telling a story about something that was important to me when I realized that I was not being heard because Facebook had grabbed the attention of the one I was hoping would listen to me.
I kept searching their face for some sign of response to my story, but it was as though no sound was coming out of my mouth. I thought I might be reading the situation wrong, so I stopped mid-sentence to see if it would go unnoticed, and was not surprised that my words fell off the face of the planet as if they did not matter, as if I did not matter.
That’s when I ran into my "friend". Actually, I wish I could tell you that this friend did not affect me and that I had such healthy self esteem that our encounters did not shake me, but they do, and sometimes it takes me days to recover.
This friend has a name. I don’t know if I should share it with you and it is not necessarily for her protection. I don’t want to share the name, because I am afraid if you know it, then you will see….
You will see parts of me that I would rather keep hidden because sharing proves that I often do not feel worthy, that I am not always brave, strong, or confident.
It’s not that I think you don’t already know this friend, it’s that I would rather prove that I am not in relationship with her. I would rather reveal that though I know this friend, that I no longer allow our encounters to destroy me or to impact my belief of whether or not I am worthy.
But, there is a chance I am not alone. And perhaps, in community, in brokenness, in the revealing of the cracks, perhaps in these places, when spoken out loud, it breaks the power. Perhaps, in those very places God’s light shines through and reminds us of healing waters that never stop flowing. So, because I actually believe it is not “perhaps,” but rather, THE TRUTH, I will reveal the name, and with our hearts connected, in the “me too,” we can walk hand in hand to our Savior.
My friend’s name is…..
Why is it that when we encounter this “friend” we allow the enemy to convince us to wear nametags that read, “HELLO, MY NAME IS….
I am so tired of bumping into REJECTION and falling down time and time again, believing age old lies that I am unacceptable. I am so tired of taking an encounter with rejection to bed with me, tucking myself in with my “insecurity” blanket, and being left feeling cold and unworthy. And you know what?!
I am fed up with watching what REJECTION does to my friends, my husband, my children. I am infuriated that the enemy has used rejection as a weapon, to get underneath our skin and into our heads, causing us to believe that we must be identified by it.
Ok, taking a deep breath now.
In that moment when I realized that I was being ignored because Facebook had captured the attention of my listener, I did something different…something I rarely do..something that drastically changed my perspective.
I remembered who I was, and the name tag I actually wear. It reads…
I took a moment to turn to God in my heart, sharing my hurt from the encounter with rejection, and I heard him say, “I too was rejected.”
“Have you ever rejected people, Sunny?” “Is that always about them?”
Such a great question; one I knew the answer to. People reject people all the time because we are human. I was not being rejected in that moment because I was unworthy, I was being rejected because the listener was a fallible human being, who simply spaced out.
And then I heard HIM say,
With that one word, I was reminded of the total acceptance I have in HIM.(Colossians 1:21-23) I have done nothing to receive His love and acceptance (Romans 5:8) and there is nothing that can take it from me (Romans 8:38-39). Not Facebook, not a failure, not weight gain, not a missed workout, not another woman, a burnt dinner, a rebellious child, or a job loss. NOTHING…. because my worth was settled on the cross and God won’t change His mind.
And you know what, that evening, I went to bed tucked underneath my security blanket, with peace and dignity, resting in the truth that I am accepted and loved always.
My friend, oh how we need to do this. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME we are rejected. Cling to truth, even in our hurt. Cling to truth, even when people fail us.
We have to look to Calvary, to the cross, to nail-pierced hands, to a Savior who said, “it is finished” when considering our worth.
We cannot look to fallible human beings who will continue to let us down, some intentionally and some not, then our worth will be constantly changing based on what they had for breakfast that day.
My prayer is that you would choose to separate an encounter with rejection from becoming a part of your identity. You are 100% accepted by God, my friend, and God won’t change His mind. Let’s rest in that together.